Calverton Tourist Bored

A PERSON VISITING Calverton in a tourist capacity thinks it’s boring here, say residents.

Denying that the headline of this story has been mis-spelled because obviously there is no official tourist ‘board’ for Calverton, locals have been quick to point out there’s a bloke called Alan, asleep on the bench by the library.

‘We tried to explain to him just how vibrant life can be here,’ said local man Norris Thetford, coming out of the newsagents in St Wilfrid’s Square.

‘We told him all about our proud coal mining heritage, and some stuff we found out on Wikipedia about Calverton being subject to something called the Hearth Tax in 1662. But this fella was having none of it. He was that bored, he just lay there, asleep.’

Alan could not be roused, so was unable to comment.

  • Update: after not moving from the bench for three days, Alan has now been taken away by an ambulance and referred to the coroner.