Trump Not Coming to Calverton

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP will not be visiting Calverton as part of his current tour of the United Kingdom and some bits of Europe, it has been confirmed.

Following Prime Minister Theresa May’s visit to Calverton in April 2017, hopes had been high that Trump would be the third high profile world leader to speak at the Village Hall, the second of course being Long John Silver in Treasure Island.

‘We really wanted Trump to come here,’ said a spokesperson for one of the local garages, confused we’d not asked a Parish Councillor.

‘I’m sure the Theatre Group could have found the President a better fitting tuxedo from the costume store. Also, ‘Trump’ is a really amusing word for breaking wind, and we’d have had a proper chuckle at that.’

There’s been no official announcement from Trump’s team about why Calvo is not on this week’s Presidential schedule, but sources say it would have been hard for the motorcade to get up and down Main Street because of problems with the drains.

In related news, the wall planned to be built between Calverton and Woodborough has been delayed because Woodborough won’t pay for it.