Village Bobby Confuses Locals

THE CALVERTON VILLAGE BOBBY has spent most of the day confusing locals, say locals who have been confused.

A worker at one of the village’s day nurseries claims to have seen an elderly man in 1950’s police uniform knocking on a window with a bewildered expression on his face muttering: ‘I’m sure this was the station,’ before whistling the theme tune from Z Cars and riding off on a rickety bicycle parked by the post office.

Bobby resumed work this week after being found safe and well in the beer cellar at The Gleaners, but is now struggling to cope with the complex demands of 21st century policing in a semi-rural village context.

‘I saw him telling off two young boys for scrumping apples,’ said Terry Grimes, an unwelcome interloper from Woodborough.

‘This was confusing, because there was no apple tree, and the boys were queuing in the chippy.’

Bobby later redeemed himself by arresting the owners of two cars parked illegally on the zig zag lines by the St Wilfrid’s Square zebra crossing, earning him a standing ovation from a crowd of delighted onlookers who’d been seriously irritated by these morons for several months.