POPULAR CALVERTON PUB GAME Sticky 13’s has been outlawed for health and safety reasons, it has been confirmed.
The game, which is basically bingo with playing cards, has been a regular feature at hostelries across the village for generations. But according to health inspectors those cards are ‘sticky’ for a rather unpleasant, and now potentially lethal, reason.
‘They’ve passed through thousands of pairs of hands,’ said Brian Gibbons from the Health and Safety Executive.
‘We’ve looked at cards from the Top Club, Geordie Club and The Admiral Wendy through a microscope. They’re minging. All manner of gunk on them. Bodily fluids, bits of chewing gum, fag ash and what looks to be a genuine hair sample from the rare Tianzhu white yak. How did that get there? It’s indigenous to Tibet.
‘It’s obvious. Playing stickies will expose you to deadly bacteria and may even kill you. Our research says you’re statistically more likely to die from playing stickies three times a week for twenty-one years then you are from necking a pint of Domestos. So stickies are banned, so there.’
The news has been met with utter indifference by pub landlords, most of whom have just bought new playing cards to replace the old ones.
Calverton looks forward to welcoming you soon for a pint, and a lovely game of Slidey 13’s.