A CALVERTON RESIDENT has expressed serious concerns about one of the village’s schools.
‘All of the schools in the village are really good,’ said the resident, who wishes to remain anonymous.
‘We could have picked any of them for our Rufus, whose name isn’t really Rufus because we’d like him to remain anonymous. Thing is, we’d just decided on Manor Park Infant and Nursery when this owl flew in.
‘It proper freaked out my wife Wendy, whose name isn’t really Wendy because she’d like to remain anonymous. The owl had a letter in its beak written by a loony claiming to be a wizard and, to cut a long story short, Rufus starts at Salterford House in September.’
Salterford House School strenuously denies it uses any arcane owl-based student recruiting methods, adding that any owl which may have been dispatched to Rufus’ family did not, in any way, come from its secret magical owlery.
‘We don’t send owls. We issue prospectuses or invite folk to open days,’ said the school’s enormous gamekeeper, petting a Norwegian Ridgeback dragon.
‘Don’t go into the woods! Something’s been feeding on the unicorns.’