Something Working Properly for a Change Enrages Villagers

SOME TEMPORARY TRAFFIC LIGHTS were spotted functioning correctly in the village today.

‘We apologise to Calverton motorists for the temporary traffic lights on Crookdole Lane working the way they should,’ said Nottinghamshire County Council, from whom the village wants to take back control.

‘We know Calverton drivers expect temporary traffic lights to be slung around the village with no apparent logic or purpose.

‘We know the weary-looking men in high-vis jackets may not care if the lights work because they’ve had no meaningful pay rise for ten years due to austerity just like nurses, and the police, and the fire service.

‘We know the lights are often on red for chuffing ages, causing frustration and anger.

‘We know frustration and anger is the default state for Calverton these days as a cursory inspection of many of its Facebook groups will tell you.

‘And we know, above all, that Calverton’s residents like to complain, if not at us, then at each other, and that we have robbed them of a reason to vent on this occasion by erecting fully-functioning temporary traffic lights on Crookdole Lane accompanied by clear and appropriate signage.’

The usual, utterly dreadful, service is planned to resume next week.

  • Update: the traffic lights are now broken again.