Calverton Miners Welfare FC Runs Successful Bingo Night

CALVERTON MINERS WELFARE FC’s efforts to raise funds to take part in next season’s UEFA Champions League have seen record-breaking donations from club supporters at a bingo night yesterday.

With news that the National Crime Agency has not charged club captain Stevie Stokes with cyber-hacking and theft of money from two major banks, spirits were high at the event at the Bottom Club.

Bingo, raffle, karaoke and slidies raised a total amount of £109 million, with Janice’s chip cobs raising an additional £17.25.

‘We’re grateful to the twenty-five people who turned up and gave so generously,’ said Stokes on a night when he was also announced as new club Treasurer following the sudden and mysterious disappearance of the previous club Treasurer.

‘Our hearts go out to Len’s family,’ said Stokes, with a straight face.

‘He managed the club’s books for years and was never afraid to ask the difficult and searching questions about perceived financial irregularities, placing himself at considerable risk of harm.’

UEFA is still looking into how Calverton Miners Welfare FC came to replace Belgian side Koninklijke Racing Club Genk in next season’s Champions League, with sources at UEFA saying the Nottinghamshire side could be disqualified pending the outcome of an internal investigation.

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