Local Footy Man Dies by Combine Harvester

CORONERS INVESTIGATING the suspicious death of a Calverton man have said it was self-inflicted.

The body of Len Leonard, former Treasurer of Calverton Miners Welfare FC, was found last week in a field near Blidworth Bottoms with cause of death now confirmed as suicide by combine harvester.

‘It’s hard to run yourself over with a piece of heavy agricultural machinery,’ said Police Constable Nige Nichols, first team centre back for Calverton Miners Welfare FC.

‘But if anyone could pull it off, Len could. He was always up for a laugh and this is just the kind of comical, seemingly implausible exit he would have wanted. There’s no suggestion Len was silenced because he knew too much about possible financial irregularities at the football club. No suggestion at all.’

Local farmer Kit Kennedy, combine harvester owner and first team physio for Calverton Miners Welfare FC, has now been cleared of murder charges.

‘It was nothing to do with me,’ said Kit.

‘I had a brand-new combine harvester, and I gave Len the key.

‘It was sad, though, seeing him lying there. And over there. And over there too, by that small cow.

‘Everyone at the club’s in pieces. Not as many pieces as Len’s in, obviously.’

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