WOODBOROUGH VILLAGE has said it ‘doesn’t have a werewolf problem’ following the gruesome slaying of a local man during yesterday’s lunar eclipse.
The body of Terry Grimes of Park Avenue, Woodborough, was found without clothing in a field this morning next to the shredded remains of several sheep and what might have been a badger. His body was riddled with bullets which appear to have been fashioned from pure silver.
‘I’m utterly shocked. Terry seemed like a normal bloke,’ said Calverton man Norris Thetford, a former friend of Grimes.
‘Yes, he could be a bit odd, but I never once saw him metamorphose into a slavering, fur-covered hell beast with terrifying razor claws. He just liked real ale and dominoes.’
Concerned that local businesses may be impacted by people being too scared to visit, Woodborough Parish Council is holding a crisis meeting later this week.
‘This will all blow over,’ said Miss Mitzy Summers, who moved into the village recently.
‘My mom was an expert in this sort of thing, years ago. Now she’s on the Parish Council.’
‘A formidable woman, Mitzy’s mother. I met her in the post office yesterday,’ said Norris.