Calvo Footy Team Cleared of Wrongdoing by UEFA

CALVERTON MINERS WELFARE FC will compete in next season’s Champions League after being cleared by UEFA of entering the competition through a sophisticated computer hack.

‘We cannot conclusively prove that Calverton Miners Welfare FC illegally accessed our secure network,’ said UEFA official Wout Janssens, who is probably Belgian with a name like that.

‘So, astonishingly, the club is free to compete in the Champions League. UEFA looks forward to welcoming the club next season and please release my sister.’

‘This is a vindication for both the club and me personally,’ said Stevie Stokes, Miners Welfare captain, who was also investigated by the National Crime Agency.

‘I’ve been through hell these past weeks. There was no way I hacked UEFA using crypto-algorithms to exploit system vulnerabilities and gain backdoor access. And anyone who says I did can just do one,’ he added.

‘With my name cleared, and Calverton Miners Welfare FC now in the Champions League proper, I’m sure we can all put this behind us.’

It isn’t clear what ‘release my sister’ means, but since Mr Janssens made the announcement, he looks a lot happier and his sister appears to be back at home again.

  • Follow Calverton Miners Welfare FC in the 2019/20 Champions League only on calvoblog! See the full saga here.