Thunder Bolt and Lightning Very, Very Frightening

CALVERTON PARISH COUNCIL has denied responsibility for last night’s thunderstorm.

Look. We’ll take flak for heatwaves and rainfall in good humour – but thunderstorms are at least a County Council matter, maybe something for a Member of Parliament to take forward,’ said the Parish Clerk.

‘But the MP may be a bit busy right now, due to recently being given some extra responsibilities at work.’

A source at Salterford House Prep School, rumoured to be the real-life inspiration for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has said the thunderstorm was nothing to do with the fierce mystical battle which took place between several hairy wizards on broomsticks and a squadron of death eaters over the skies of Calverton last night, resulting in apocalypse being averted.

‘Mystical battle? There was no mystical battle,’ the source added, waving a short wooden stick.

Obliviate.’

The thunderstorm was also apparently unrelated to any peculiar goings on in neighbouring village Woodborough, where there are rumours of werewolves.

‘It’s nothing to do with us,’ said new Woodborough resident Buffy Summers, sharpening a wooden stake.

‘Ask my friend Giles from the Watchers Council, who’s just started at Calvo Library.’