Calverton Prepares for Martian Invasion

THE MYSTERIOUS SYMBOLS PAINTED on the pavements of Main Street and Renals Way in Calverton have not been made by the County Council, reports reveal.

‘You’d expect symbols like these to mark out the various digging, drilling and building work which needs to be done when putting in a pedestrian crossing,’ said villager Doris Thetford, whose husband was recently devoured by an escaped anaconda.

‘But my grandson says they’re hieroglyphs from an ancient mystical language targeted at Martians.’

The hieroglyphs, which can only be seen in their entirety from a minimum height of one hundred feet above ground level, glow in the dark at night and say: ‘EARTH IS DOOMED. RESCUE CALVERTON.’

Doris’ grandson, who is now in hiding in case the government come for him like they did with Elliot in the film ET, apparently just worked it out with computers.

‘He’s a bit of a genius like that,’ said Doris.

‘If the aliens do come for us, I wonder if they’ll slither.’

Nottinghamshire County Council has denied the road markings are a secret coded message to aliens.

‘What a load of nonsense,’ said Council spokesman Thrung Cortex Nork from the Quark Nebula.